I am tired of writing sense. I am tired of bashing the nitwits we have in power. I am tired of writing stories of distant characters conceived from the abyss of my very active wide imagination. I am tired of writing about the experiences of my friends. I am tired of writing about myself. I am tired of writing sense.
Today, I want to write nonsense. I get my inspiration from a Naija musician. Sorry I don’t seem to remember his name now. He declared, I don taya to make sense, this time around I wan yarn nonsense. He justifies his actions in his belief that e be like say the nonsense dey make sense. If he could do it and get away with it, why cant I ?.
Well if you think the example above is not tight enough, then think of the popular D’Banj’s album The Entertainer. I am not talking about track Igwe, that became the toast of all beer parlours or Track Fall in Love, without which weddings are now incomplete. No, I am talking about the track 10, Entertainer. D’Banj stops short of telling us that he has a right to sing whatever he wants and as an entertainer he should be paid his money. He doesn’t need to make sense.
So I figure I can also write nonsense and as long as some one enjoys reading it, I am making sense.
Ever taken note of the kind of stuff folks post as their status on facebook these days? Jeez!!! Simply amazing. I see stuff that blows my mind off. Some are simply meaningless. “Phew”, what does that mean abeg?. Some folks wax philosophical. Just copy and paste something they read somewhere. Others tell us about something they are thinking of doing. Some others just leave us guessing. “I am thinking…” There are those who chose to use it to express their frustration. Did I hear you say like me?. Well I am over that now. But the interesting ones are those who really tell us what they are doing. “I am brushing”, “I am having breakfast”, “I am at work”. My fear is that with time some more excited folks will have course to post things like “ I am Coommiinngg!!!!!” as their status.
Last week a very naughty friend posted a note. She wanted to resign from adulthood. I feel like that this morning. In fact, I want to be re-born. And when I am coming next, I want to be female. Gosh, girls don’t seem to appreciate the kind of powers they have. I will be ready to even bribe God so that I wouldn’t be a first child. Folks with elder sis/bros don’t know what they are enjoying. In that new life, I very certainly would not study Vet medicine, tufiakwa!!. I wouldn’t also be a writer. Writers are almost always broke. How about being born by an immigrant kenyan father and an American mother? Makes sense shee? Get to tell the world about ‘Change’ and get elected into the white House.
Hmm, this is funny. The other day a friend told me a story that was rib cracking. He recently subscribed to an ISP and now browsed on end at home with his laptop. As expected, he was now always on his laptop. His dad noticed this and asked what he was always “pressing”. He made to show off to his non internet compliant dad. He told him vaguely about the internet and boasted that every thing was on the internet. To buttress this, he was able to show his dad a funeral tribute he (his dad) wrote for a late friend. The late man’s children based in US had hosted a site and posted the contents of the funeral brochure there. My friend’s dad was fascinated to have seen his name and his tribute on the computer screen. He went away convinced that indeed ‘everything’ could be found on the internet.
Days later, my friend’s dad had a special request for him. He had missed the last meeting of their umunna in the village and thought he would be better prepared for the up coming one if he was able to see the minutes of that meeting. He requested his son to check his laptop for the minutes.
Just yesterday, PDP theiftains and their rented crowd stormed Abuja to carry out a coup against their former Czar. What goes around comes around. Well, I don’t usually concern myself with PDP. I didn’t vote them. I didn’t even see a ballot paper. Luckily, my state is not PDP. What interested me however was the sight of certain top members of the gang. Did you see Ahmadu Ali? He was looking weather beaten. You know the man is not blessed with so much handsomeness. Even when smiling, he looks like my village deity. I almost started having some pity for him. No body even noticed him there. No wonder they always want to hold onto power.
At the last count, there were about 57 Governorship aspirants in my state. Shouldn’t that be in the Guinness Book of world records? In addition, there is someone, one very criminal character parading himself as “Governor in waiting”. How more interesting can it get? I love politics. What better way to keep your blood pressure low.
My lone shoe had to undergo surgery in the hands of an aboki shoemaker yesterday too. Guy, tu dey trek for Abuja no easy oh!!. The shoe sole don hear nweyiii. Before you start laughing let me point out that in Abuja, trekking is normal. Why waste precious change on drops?. So my shoe was only obeying Newton’s law; To every action…The aboki did wonders. No see alignment abeg. Now I can bounce around again, like I am the Lord of the manor.
I strayed to the Federal Civil service Commission some days ago. Phew!!!, Issues!!!, With me on the queue to collect and fill the employment forms were persons who graduated when I was sitting for Jamb. Within the about one hour I spent there, I could estimate that close to a hundred Nigerian citizens were there. As I was leaving, more were coming. This is a daily affair oh….just routine filling of forms, not like any jobs have been advertised. Do the mathematics. Our Government is dead.
I am not done yet. I regretted not having a digital camera a few days ago when in full public glare, two mobile police men in uniform, jointly pummeled a Traffic warden. Damn!!!. Let me leave the rest to your imagination.
Do have your self a great day jare. I hope my nonsense made some sense after all.
Sylva Nze Ifedigbo